The Boat Show By Stevie Searider

I went to the boat show today. Bless me father for I have sinned. It´s been far too long since I last confessed my lust for shiny fiberglass hulls and polished aluminum, teak and brass accessories and trim. The gentle sway of the floating docks and the heat of the sunbined to produce a hypnotic trance like effect on the thousands in attendance. Those just like me, who on a beautiful Sunday afternoon chose not to plan for their retirements, not to work overtime, not to fix anything around the house, not to mow the lawn, not to work at their second job that is supposed help pay for their children´s education. They didn´t wash their cars or watch television on that Sunday. They joined me at the boat show to dream.
Boat shows are an amazing concept when you stop and think about it. The first guy who came up with the idea had to be a real salesman. The boat show is a true collision of cultures. Just imagine the sales pitch. "Hey. . .I´ve got a great idea! Here´s how we can sell more boats. Let´s take the people who buy things at the Yacht Club and put them together with the people who buy things at the Flea Market and see what happens!" "We´ll sell beer there and sell tickets just to get in the door!"
Back to the dreaming part. . . When you go to the boat show you´ll see everything from inflatable and folding boats to ships. It seemed like there were a whole lot more ships than boats but for some reason they don´t call it a ship show. I guess boat show rolls off the tongue easier than ship show. Kind of like Boating Obsession instead of Ship Obsession but I digress. . . The dreaming part happens when you slip off your shoes and board a multi-million dollar yacht. I don´t know if this happens to you when you´re at the boat show but after an hour in the sun with nothing to eat or drink since breakfast six hours ago, I started to forget how hard most people have to work to earn the kind of money it takes to buy a yacht. I started thinking to myself that for $700, 000.00 I could get a pretty decent boat. I wonder if it would fit underneath the bridge between my house and the intercoastal waterway?
While I was standing on the dock looking at a $3, 200, 000.00 Hatteras I actually nudged a guy standing next me with my elbow and said, "Not bad, ehh?". And while I´m on the subject of $3, 200, 000.00 yachts can somebody tell me why it is that the people with their screaming, sticky fingered, snot nosed, crumb crunching, filthy footed children who can least afford a luxury like a $3, 200, 000.00 yacht are the ones who are lined up to board and allow said children to board with them and turn a show stopping piece of art and miracle of modern technology into abination Fun House/Jungle Gym? I really felt sorry for that dealer and worse for his detail guy who was going to have to clean up after everyone.
The following is a list of a few parting shots from the boat show;
Wear shoes that you can slip in and out of easily if you want to board the boats.
Be careful where you leave your shoes while on the boat. I saw a couple floating in the water that had been inadvertently kicked off the dock.
There´s too muchpetition in the dock business. It´s just 2X4s and telephone poles. How can onepany´s docks be that much better than anotherpany´s? And while I´m on the subject. . . The guys who work for the boat show promoter are able to put together what seems like miles of docks in one day. Can someone explain to me why it takes a dock buildingpany a week or more to build a 3 ft x 20 ft dock behind my house? (If you own a dock buildingpany and that hits too close to home you can rant back at me in the Forum section of this web site)
Wear sunscreen and a hat.
Drink plenty of water. If you can´t spit, you´re already dehydrated.
Find a vendor with the free plastic bags so you have something to carry all the free crap around with you.
The further you walk into the show, the better the food gets.
Really hot chicks don´t water ski. (I watched a free water ski show before I went to the boat show).
Really hot chicks do go to the boat show. You´ll find them looking at the multi-million dollar yachts draped over the arm of some guy who looks old enough to be their dad. The guy who looks like her dad already has a smaller yacht named something like. . . oh. . . I don´t know, maybe. . . "Sea Alice".
When a boat salesman starts pressing you, tell him "This is the one I´m going to buy when I hit the lottery", it´s their favorite line.
No matter how pretty they are, wood boats don´t make a lot of sense.
Limit the number of beers you drink before you try to walk around on the floating docks. When you finish walking the docks you can have more beer.
If a boat rocks so much tied to the dock that you can´t get on board without Dramamine. . . don´t buy it.
Carpet rots, cushions mildew, if you can´t "hit it & forget it" with a garden hose it´s going to be a lot of work to maintain. How many pieces of "Yard Art" do we need before people start buying boats that will last, i.e. center console, no carpet!
When you really get serious about signing on the dotted line, take this test.
1) Find out the estimated monthly payment of the boat you are considering. We´ll call that MP.
2) Then formulate "MP x Pi (3.14159) = EC", this will give you an estimate of the actual cost of owning a boat (without catastrophic repairs), if it still fits into the budget then forge ahead. . . if not (see "Yard Art").
Last but not least have fun, you paid your money, and you stood in line. Have a great day and dream away...
For more articles andmentary visit Stevie's home at BoatingObsession
Stevie_Searider Stevie_Searider
height="75" width="150" Stevie-Searider_169718 Stevie Searider -